So I've neglected the livejournal, once again. What can ya do.  I'm updating now, yes?

I can't even remember the last thing I updated on, so I'll just do a fly by update. 

Things are not too shabby.  Work sucks, that's nothing new. Lookin for something else at the moment. 
I have the best friends ever! And I love them.  I see Meredith all the freakin time, which is WONDERFUL. Best friend ev-ar!!  Tuna, you meathead, moved to the west. That sucks. I'll come visit soon for our princess diaries night <3.  I work with my friend Noooooria.  We went to Niagara Falls a few weeks back. Had the best day I've had in a LONG time.  I see Trevor pretty often. He's a good one.

 I love my damn car, ahah. 

I got a kitten named Charlie <3

Bunsen died today :( I love that little bun. 

I've lost 31 lbs and counting !

I can no longer watch the news. It makes me sick. 

And that's about it . Quick and sweet. Maybe I'll keep it up.

Today ...the weather is absolutely love. And last weekend was awesome.  On friday I went to Meredith and John's apartment and brought them their little gifty. I really like it. It's a cute apartment.  Trevor came over as well and we all "watched" the hockey game and chilled.  Then Trevor and I left and I went home.   

On Saturday I did some running around during the day and bought some really cute wedge sanals.  That night I went to Crocodile rock with the ladies for nooria's birthday. Fabulous evening. We were standing outside and one of our drivers showed up and decided to join us. ahaa. It was pretty funny, but I had a good time. 

This week is going by pretty slow. But I think I'm going to buy a car.  I have to go check it out, but I'm excited.  It's a 2001 Pontiac Sunfire. It's a 2 door which isn't my choice, but the car is a good price. It's E tested, certified and fully loaded. For only 4000!  So in about a half an hour I'm going to go check it out, see if it's a good buy, get some plates and I've got a set of wheels!


cute ? I'd look spicy driving that!

So ..it's been a while since I've updated, but thats okay.

Things have been alright, I guess. I can't complain about too much.   I went out on Saturday and had my hair cut and highlighted.  All the way out to jane and lawrence. what a MISSION, seriously. Oh well. The lady was pretty good though.  Her dog humped my leg every chance he got though. ahaha. "Teddy"

Work has been okay lately as well. Yesterday was BUSY which is not what I'm used to any more. But it was a nice change from doing nothing all day.  
Today at work my back/hip started to hurt again (read back a few entries) even though I've been doing the stretches daily. It was pretty mild throughout the day though. But as soon as I got home it started getting really bad. And now I'm back to the point of not being able to walk without crying. This is ridiculous! seriously.   It'd better be better by the weekend. I have some serious plans for saturday night!

I don't have much else to say though. Except i'm freakin hungry! lol

This moment, right now, is such a breath of fresh air.  I feel motivated. I feel energized. I'm happy, and I feel like I can do whatever I want.  I never want this feeling to end.  It's so refreshing considering I've been in such a "rough" mood lately. I haven't felt motivation in ages! I feel like I could run for miles.  I'm so used to feeling beat and tired afterwork.  Days like today at work make me feel defeated. 

I try so hard to stay calm, to not stress out over things I would have once considered minor. To not let what other people say bother me. To not be so disappointed with myself because it's not working. And right now,  in this moment I don't even have to try.   I'm not stressed out, I don't care what anyone has to say and I feel great about myself because I feel like I can do anything I put my mind to.   

Work today was horrid. I had a terrible sleep, so waking up at four thirty obviously was no good. I got to work and I was just so damn tired. But the day was okay up until they told us that our computer system would be down for 2 and a half hours. Honestly, do you know how much that SUCKS?  My entire job is working off of that computer. We input the CAA calls into the computer, I dispatch them from the computer to the drivers pagers. I look at my computer screen to see where the drivers are dropping their calls so that I can line up their next ones.  But when the computer goes down we can't put the calls in. I can't dispatch them through the computer so I have to say it all over the radio. And then I have to listen to the drivers bitch about the price of fuel (which I know is a big deal, but really, what the hell can I do about it?). And then since I don't have my computer, I can't see where they're dropping the car. So I have to go over to Laura's desk to see where some of the drivers are clearing since she has two computers. One of which has nothing to do with our computer system, only CAA's. But then once the computers are working again we have to put all of the calls that weren't put into the computer into the system. then we have to dispatch them and give the driver their authorization numbers for all of the old calls. and then we have to clear them off while keeping up with the incoming work load while answering the phones. Christ. It's such a mission. And I wish they could just do their maintence shit at night when there's no need to use it, you know?

Anyways, that's just my rant about that.   I feel great now though.  I played some build-a-lot 2. (it's a computer game that you can download and I seriously suggest that you check it out.  I'm addicted. Level 35 already. )  

So yes, here's to my mood staying like this for EVER!!!!

I have honestly had an amazing weekend. Best one I've had in a while.  I love my ladies.  I'm going to set this post up old school styles!

Friday : 

- I worked 6am - 2pm
- I went to michelle's at 7ish
- Nooria showed up with her husband
- Went to the LCBO to purchase the large quantity of alcohol that would later be consumed
- Michelle and I had quite a few drinks
- Cat knocked down scratching pole. Funniest thing ever.
- Drove Nooria's husband to work  at 10:30
- Continued the drinks and the complaining about work conversation
- 2 am we go visit nooria's husband at work
- 5:45 stumble my way back into my house

Saturday:

- Wake up at 9:15
- Wait around until 3pm for plans that never went through.
- Went to Michelle's place
- Tried to scrunch my hair ( lol ..doesn't work with insane-o straight hair )
- Went to shoppers drugmart
- Went back to Michelle's and had dinner
- Watched the biggest loser
- Had a ridiculous text message war
- Came home

and now it's sunday and I have a whole day in front of me. I'm going to stay home all day since there is some crap I need to get resolved. Jesus. I'm going nuts, honestly. Which means I'm going to go dance around my room.

♥ 

I'm so proud of myself with keeping up with my bills and saving money lately.   I'm saving money like mad and paying off my debt quicker than I thought I'd be able to.  It's such a good learning experience. I'm just glad I had my aunt to help me out.  I put my bills on her line of credit and I'm paying that off. Interest at 6% compared to 26% is much easier to pay off!   My money management skills are getting much better.  And now that I've saved up the money for that Chanel purse I want, I don't know if I'm going to buy it.  It seems like such a shocker to spend all of that money that I've been saving in one shot.  Oh well. We'll see. 

I need to think of something to do this weekend.  This guy I met last weekend wants to hang out, but we'll see.  Random people kind of creep me out.   

Work today was okay.  Nothing to really complain about, but nothing spectacular either. 

I don't think I really have much to update on.  I'm going to go have a bath and read some tabloids, aha. 

Ta ta 
<3

My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I....

Keep bleeding 

So I'm having a particularily rough week.  I feel like I'm in an "ugly" rut.   You know when you know you're not ugly, but your going through a phase where you just don't care what your physical appeance looks like?  I mean, I'm not wearing make up, my hair is always up in an ugly ponytain, I'm wearing sweats to work and using the excuse " starting at six means that I don't have the time to do all of that anymore". Which is valid, but not exactly true.   I just want to go back to the days where I felt pretty.  Because when I feel pretty, I believe it and it makes me happier. And when I feel ugly, it's depressing and just makes me care even less about what I look like. Which makes it a cycle from day to day. And if I could I'd just snap back into that mindframe, but it's the lack of motivation because when I do put on make up I don't exactly feel pretty anymore.  Buh.  I don't know what my issue is.  I'll get over it, but I'm getting rather annoyed. 

 

sigh.

anyways, I have to go and watch big brother!!

<3

oooh, look at this. Two updates in two days.  Am  I on a roll or what?!

So anyways, this morning was just horrid.  My phone does this weird thing where sometimes it just turns off on its own, without having a dead battery or anything. And it did it to me last night. I had it on last night, I set my alarm for the morning, and went to sleep.  I woke up this morning and it was still dark, and I figured since my alarm hadn't gone off yet maybe it was still early. So I go to check my phone for the time and the damn thing is turned off!! So I panic and get out of bed, check the time... 6:18.  I start work at 6. So I can only imagine that they're all bitching that I'm not there and that I haven't called in, and since my phone is off it goes right to voice mail.  Oh man.   It was so horrible.  I got to work about 20-25 minutes later and it ruined my entire day.  I was crabby, everything I did felt rushed, and I just couldn't shake that feeling.   I'm going to have to set like, three alarm clocks to ensure that this NEVER happens again. 

So after reading that, you can understand why I'm just going to SKIP writing about work. Ugh. My level of frustration is pretty high right now.  Now I'm at home, and I'm more tired today than I normally would be, and I'm supossed to go out for dinner, but I really don't want to.  I'm so grumpy. I just want to stay home and do absolutely nothing.  

ugh.  I think I need to have a nap or go for a walk or something.  
ta ta. 

So, once again it's been ages since I've done this.  I swear, I read all of the journals everyday. I check this site a few times a day, but never bother to actually write anything in my journal.  And everytime I do my "monthly update" I say that I should start doing this daily, but I never follow through with it.  Oh well. Maybe this time I will. 

There's nothing new, really. Except for the fact that, that sentence was a big fat lie!!  There is so much crap going on in my life right now, but it's not stuff I'm going to publicly display. You never know who reads this thing.  Maybe I'll post  this link all over the place.  I love my silent stalkers, aha.    

This weekend was probably the best one I've had in a while. Drinks, tokes, and a dance party for sure. And then after that comes the day of sitting on the couch, watching tv while talking and laughing about all of the crazy shit that went on the night before.   It reminds me of high school days, but the conversations had were much different. Instead of "who'd you hook up with?"  It was  more like "It's actually pretty serious". well..actually, aha. There was one part of the night that was just like the high school days.   Good times had, for sure. 

so, I'm not working tomorrow. Thank GOD.   My stress level is so high these days.  It used to take a lot to get me stressed out to the point of snapping, and now it's not so hard. It's actually pretty easy. And It's because I never actually de-stress.  I try to, and I relax and feel better when I leave work. But my "default" stress level is just so high now, I get stressed over little things because I'm stressed to begin with.   It's really frustrating, and I really hate it. 

I've actually had a really good weekend though.  And I'm glad that it's not over yet :)

I've also decided to take up scrapbooking.  I used to do it with a friend a few years back, but never got serious about it. It was fun though, so I want to get back into that. Pick up a hobby, you know?  Something that takes up some of my spare time, or that I can pick up anytime I want when I'm at home.  

Anyways, I don't really have much to say...

ta ta

 I put on make up for the first time in AGES today. And I feel so out of practice. It's not that bad, but I forgot how to shape, so the shape isn't exactly that flattering. Oh well. 

I went to walmart and bought Rebecca's Birthday present.  I  bought her an easy bake oven and all of the accessories I could find for it, lol. And an ourfit that's really cute. I love Carole's kids. 

anyways,  here's a few photos:

 ugh. I need something to keep me awake this morning, so here I am..occupying myself for about 5 minutes.  
I really didn't want to get out of bed this morning.  4:30 came so quick.   I woke up at 3:30 because I had to pee SO badly. It was crazy. So I went back to sleep for what seemed like 2 seconds, and then my alarm went off. 
My eyes won't stop watering.

I'm really glad for skin products. Especially when winter comes around. I have such a routine.  I love toners. aha. If you have one small blemish and put this toner on, it stings! Makes it feel like it's actually working, aha. I have so many different mosturizers. I'm never gonna run out. 

Ugh. I'm so tired that what I'm writing isn't even flowing.  I actually have to think or something to write. If only I could go back to bed...sigh. 

anyways.. Off to work I go.

I had a pretty decent day today.  I woke up, thought I was going out for lunch with Dan today but that didn't happen.  I had family come over and ended up staying home for most of it.  It was pretty good though. I  like random visits. 

I did a bunch of laundry, cleaned a bit, rearranged a section of my room. I think it looks better. It's slightly awkward,but I'll just have to deal with it. Then I went to staples and picked up a few things. I bought an ink cartridge for my printer so it works now. yay.  
After that I went to shoppers drugmart. I swear, I could go in there every single day and buy something. It's my favourite store. It was 20 times the points today for cosmetics and fragrances. And Guess who had a 50 dollar gift card for shoppers?! That's right. ME. so I bought 50 dollars of cosmetics that I don't really need, and a few tabloids that I love and some crispy mini's. I love those things, man.  Does anyone remember the commercial with the red headed lady? I knew her, aha. She worked with my friend Todd at Second City. 

anyhow, i'm going to go enjoy my crispy mini's and the O.C. and head to bed. I have a feeling it's going to be busy tomorrow at work. Sigh. 

I think I'm entering one of those "ruts". You know?  Nothing seems horrible, but nothing seems good. I find myself staring into space thinking about random things, and not paying attention to any of my surroundings.  I went to Sunrise this evening with Trevor while he dropped his paperwork off and I barely remember any of it. The other day we went for a drive out of town and I barely remember coming back. I just sit there. I have nothing to say. Half of the time I can't even remember what I'm thinking about.  And when I do remember what I'm thinking about, it's not usually anything pleasant.  I'm not entirely sure what to make of any of this. I'm hoping it's just a phase that will pass. Hopefully soon.  You know how they say  'misery loves company'? Everything seems to be going so well for everyone else around me, and it's bad to say it, but it makes me sick.  I'm so tired of hearing all of it. I try to make the best of out of situations,  but nothing is working these days which is really frustrating. Anyways. 

I spent my day playing with the dogs in the snow and playing nintendo. How productive.  This snow is really bumming me out.  I want to go out, but I hate snow so I don't want to go anywhere in this shit. 

Ugh. I'm way too bitter to be writing in this journal.  I don't want to look back on my journals and see how bitter I was. boo. 

you know when someone wants something from you, and they hang around until you give it to them, and then they back off once they get it?  It's probably one of the worst feelings ever when it has something to do with relationships.  It makes you feel pretty shitty.   

Sigh.

That's all I have to say, really.  

I am exhausted this weekend.  Last week was such a full week.  I didn't really do anything besides work, but still. I worked a 60 hour week. Lot's of hours.   There's not too much else to update about.   I signed up for a membership at Extreme Fitness at Markham and Lawrence.  It seems pretty cool. The consultation part doesn't really excite me since I don't want someone else to evaluate me. I just want to do my own thing, but I guess it's for the best. They'll show me how to get the most that I can out of the equiptment, which is what I want.  I just want to be healthy.  And of course I want to loose some weight, but my main goal is to be healthy.   Gyms are pretty expensive though. $76.00 a month, and thats only for the one location. AND there's no pool.  But that's okay. I have my own anyways.  My aunt paid for the whole year for both of us, which was really nice.  It's too much, really. But I'm not gonna complain.  It's something I've really wanted for a while.  The trainers seem really nice too.  I'm just paranoid that everyone's watching me.  I'm gonna have to load my ipod up again.

 I'm going out for sushi this evening with Amanda. I hope I like it. I've never had sushi before, and I'm really not one for sea food. We'll see, I guess.  

Anyways,  I'm off to get ready
ciao.